40 Years Sober: Lessons, Growth, & Grace

The Journey of Living Without Alcohol

That’s 14,630 days of waking up sober—without a drink, without a drug, and living life on life’s terms. Forty years of being CEO of the “I don’t drink no matter what” club, even when I desperately wanted one. It’s remembering what I said, what I did, and who I did it with. It’s decades of freedom from shame, lies, and remorse tied to alcohol.

Saying “40 years sober” out loud feels surreal. It means I am aging—but also growing. That’s countless birthdays, holidays, weddings, funerals, heartbreaks, quiet Saturdays, and everyday Tuesdays—all lived in sobriety. This isn’t just recovery. It’s redemption. It’s resurrection.

I entered the rooms of AA at 20—broken, hollowed out, and convinced I wouldn’t live past 30. Growing up in a family filled with alcoholism and co-dependency, I was taught to look good on the outside while dying inside. Competing for scraps of love left me with a warped sense of self-worth. Addiction was the lens I viewed life through.

That slope was slippery, drunk or sober. I was lost—until I met Howard S., an addiction counselor who introduced me to Step 1: admitting powerlessness and unmanageability. Pregnant and terrified, I walked into my first meeting. Ninety meetings in ninety days gave me the foundation I needed. There, I discovered a design for living that has carried me for four decades.

I didn’t earn 40 years of sobriety because I was special. I stayed clean because I was willing—willing to listen, willing to grow, willing to change. Willing to trust a power greater than myself, even when I doubted I deserved grace. Recovery required me to be messy, vulnerable, and open to guidance. My peers in those rooms saved my life, and they continue to guide me today.

Finding Hope, Purpose, and Lasting Freedom

Over the years, I’ve learned sobriety isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. It’s about being real, telling the truth, making amends, and facing character defects that keep me disconnected from God, from others, and from myself. It’s about small, unnoticed actions—the “next right thing”—that build long-term sobriety one day at a time.

I’ve learned humor lightens the load, that shattered moments are not the end, and that tears don’t weaken—they cleanse. I’ve learned that comfort zones can trap me, but courage always propels me forward. My life has unfolded in jagged paths and glorious stretches, but through grace I see how every dot connects.

Being alcohol-free has shaped my heart and soul. Sobriety is my greatest achievement and the most profound gift I’ve ever received. Each recovery milestone has been a rite of passage—from knowledge to wisdom, from fear to faith, from surviving to thriving.

Today, I can stand firmly in purpose, knowing I am enough. Clean living has given me alignment, freedom, and forgiveness.

That’s what 40 years living sober looks like: a life I love, one filled with resilience, joy, and the courage to keep walking forward.

Brenda Heckes, CPRC, ACC, CPC.

“Real talk. Real healing. Real freedom.”